Posted by: ableanna | April 1, 2009

Changes

I’m heading back to work today. I find it hard to believe that it was three years ago that I left work thinking I would return shortly before E’s first birthday. It didn’t work out that way and I am really happy that I decided to stay at home with her. I would have not had it any other way. In the interim of raising my daughter I’ve experienced a range of emotions that can vary from enraged sea monster to weeping at the sight of dust on a shelf in nanoseconds; I deeply understand the monotony of housework and frequently write full page rants (in my head) on the inequality of this system and that if only women were paid for the work that they did at home, the balance of power would feel more even-keeled; I went from knowing no one with babies, to meeting many many incredibly women with babies whom I am so deeply indebted to for my sanity and for helping me see the hilarity on those days that I have shoved my head into the pantry because I can’t seem to have a complete thought anywhere else (or hold a conversation on the phone).

I’ve been in constant flux since making the decision to return to work – for the most part, I am really excited to have 8 hours a day where I am responsible for other work. No laundry, no agonizing over what I’m going to make for dinner, no desperate hope for a nap-time, no picking up the same things over and over and over, no witness to dirt I can’t clean, no more debate about whether I can get away with wearing the same outfit I’ve comfortably worn for the last month. On the flipside, I am afraid that the moment I walk in that door today, my little life that I so love will disappear and all of those important friendships will follow. Of course, I am also deeply afraid that this will be the decision in my daughter’s life that will turn her into a heroin addict at 17.

So I’m off and this is not as good a post as I would like it to be – but wish me luck.

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Responses

  1. AHA! So the android without emotions reveals herself! we will miss you too, but if this is any consolation to you, please know that we never really liked you to begin with, So there.
    Knock ‘m Dead
    xxx

  2. i hate your stupid job. thank god for weekends! I hope you have a great first day in your new duds!

  3. How did it go?!

  4. Other than finding out that there was NO SCHOOL today when I dropped E off, um, and the ensuing panic and rage… the day at work when I got there was great! I don’t miss you guys either! What friendships? I’m power-suit android-lady-bee now.

  5. Oh Annabelle! Good luck, congratulations … can’t wait to hear how it all goes (also can’t believe that the school was closed!). Well done : )


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