Posted by: ableanna | December 5, 2008

The litany continues

Far Side by Gary Larson

Far Side by Gary Larson

We can agree that it has been pretty shiteous times Chez Agnew’s Anatomy. Hear that? That was me breathing deeply through BOTH OF MY NOSTRILS. My house has recently become devoid of used tissues which, if you were to have had a bird’s eye view of my house yesterday, you might have noted that their scatter formation oddly resembled those mysterious crop circles in England. If I can advise you of anything, if you are painfully congested for more than seven days, you need antibiotics. Don’t wait three weeks to find that out. (I LOVE YOU, AMOXICILLIN.) What I do not love are certain secretaries at certain walk-in clinics in certain canadian cities that I certainly reside in. (Trust me, you have either heard this story and do not need to hear it again, or you don’t need to hear the story. If there is Hell, she will go there.)

I am out one tooth and my shoulder will haunt me for the rest of my life, but on the whole, I have become a new person over the last 24 hours. I walk around and say things like  “Oh! Wow. I just breathed through my nose again!” and “Oh! So this is what it feels like to walk around without wanting to keel over and die.” Pretty sweet. What is more sweet is my ability to become enraged without accentuating my point by ferociously blowing my nose and throwing the tissue on the floor.

Take KODAKGALLERY. I can now receive 8×10 photographs in the mail that have been FOLDED IN HALF, which doesn’t matter anyway because as it turns out, the image has been cropped and developed in a bath of soot & sausage water. And then I can have the exact same thing happen AGAIN to a different image THE NEXT DAY. And then after that, for shits & giggles I can check my credit card bill and find out that I have also been overcharged for the order I’ve only half-received. Pseudo-calmly I can call the customer service desk, only to be told that I should be complaining to my postman and that the billing error is something to be taken up with my bank and that they’re “sorry, but this is out of our hands”. And then, COMPLETELY ENRAGED, I can say something like “You know those mugs that I ordered? I HOPE YOU DON’T SEND THEM IN A PAPER BAG.” (WITHOUT BLOWING MY NOSE ONCE.)

So, on that note, the litany will officially end here. I promise, my next two posts are going to be awesome in a positive and creative way. Hurray health!

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