Posted by: ableanna | June 29, 2008

Fight Club

I’m not sure about your relationship with your partner, but if you’re a parent and in a relationship, sometimes there are… arguments. Ours typically strike after quite a few weeks of pure unadulterated bliss, where we can’t even believe we’d even think to argue with each other and we must have been out of our minds the last time we did. Or something.

And then suddenly there is a day where my daughter and I find ourselves leering at eachother across the breakfast table with The You?…Again?-Eyes-of-Loathing which then become witness to my quick devolution from adulthood that prompts some stomping and flailing of my tear-stained face smackdown into a pillow, while emitting self-pitying sobs like, “WHY ME??!!” and “I can’t DO THIS anymore!” (which translates into: “WHY DO I LIVE WITH A MINI-DICTATOR?!” and “How could I have believed in the ideals of an *innocent* two year old for so long?!” respectively.)

Clearly she’s the most irrational little person on the planet and her “I DO IT” insistence to tie her shoelaces before leaving the house is The Last and Final Straw. Like, “NO! I. will. put. your. shoes. on. and I . will. put. you. in your stroller. and I. will. take. you. to the park. DAMMIT! And you’re going to VOMIT because WE ARE GOING TO HAVE so much FUN!!!!#@&*! SO. LISTEN. TO. ME!”

The joys of independence echo throughout the hallway.

Anyway, in my experience as a new mother, I experience a lot of inner conflict that can generally be summed up as the battle between My Mother Teresa Alter-Ego VS. I am The Anti-Christ. Who can I blame? Generally, my partner. I can imagine that there is nothing like coming home from a long day at work to a warm house full of pent-up rage and hate. Icy dinner conversations ensue like “Fascinating! So, you got to have a full-fledged uninterrupted conversation today? HOW HAPPY I AM FOR YOU.” (As I carve his name into my bloody steak).

Without going into specifics, we kind of just went through 48 hours of that. It’s no fun. But I do think it’s completely normal. As is the result of this fight, it always boils down to the fact that neither of us fully listens to the other person and both of us do not get enough time to ourselves or with each other.

The good part about these times of conflict is I do get to understand him a little bit more, as well as understand myself as well (“WHAT? I’m Not Perfect?!…(sniffle)…Humph. I guess that’s okay?”) I’m definitely not a member of the Relationship Camp that proudly pronounces how “We Never Fight”. I always think this means that someone is compromising themselves which can never bode well for the future. But maybe I am just a cynic. But I also thinks it reveals I am passionate. Regardless, I have accepted that I fight and probably always will fight.

Hello, Tyler Durden, nice to meet you!

(I do NOT know how to end this post! I do not want to Moralize the story or make a cute pithy summation of humanity. I just needed to write. I’m trying to write more, DO more, be more these days… so bear with me. If you want an interesting article on relationship advice, read this article: “Don’t fight in front of the kids” and other advice you can ignore”. )



  1. Been there, done that. had two daughters, you were one of ’em.
    Passionate Mother

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