Abby: Shut-up, I’m talking

I met Abby in my early 20s through my sister. They both worked at a book store together and we all liked to smoke, drink and make fun of people. I immediately liked Abby because she had this effortless style, however I was also slightly envious of the low-maintenance-uber-sex-appeal she had that tended to make me nervous when I brought my boyfriend around her. And she was also really funny and smart. Anyway, she moved away, life happened and then I ran into her a few years later on the street.

She was dating this guy Greg, but I had just met D and thus was in The Crazy In Love stage of the relationship where we couldn’t walk a block without a vomit-inducing-traffic-stopping-PDA that prompted strangers to say original things like “GET A ROOM”… and we would arrogantly respond by nuzzling our noses and issuing pity for those poor loveless cynical souls.

Sadly, if I had taken a moment to get over ourselves and speak to her boyfriend, I would have found out all of these fascinating things like: he was Ariel Sharon’s speech writer and voted on a U.N. resolution without really knowing what it was about. He was 25. From what I’ve read, it was supposed to be an internship.

Then Abby got married to him and I missed the wedding because I had just given birth and couldn’t fit into anything other than a bed sheet.

Apparently his wedding speech was incredible! And my sister got so drunk that she performed her infamous crab-like spider-dance that channels The Hunchback of Notre-Dame. I can’t tell you how sad I was that I didn’t go.

What do you do after a job like that? Naturally, Greg decided to write a book about his experience and it’s already listed as Number 2 on Amazon, just under Stephen Colbert’s book. Or you can read the reviews first here. Buy the book at a discount here and read all about my friend Abby and her husband Gregory Levey. I’m so excited about it, she doesn’t even know I’m plugging the book… for my three-person audience.